Is your daughter learning to be confident and empowered?

Sport provides your child with many opportunities for life lessons such as learning how to compete, commitment, physical and mental stamina, communication skills, self-esteem, and teamwork. Perhaps the most important lesson sports offer our children, according to Sports Psychologist, T.C. North Ph.D., is whether or not your child is learning to be confident and empowered or one of life’s victims.

After all, how kids learn to participate in sports is how they play the game of life. Kids are taught how to participate in sports and life by their role models. The most influential role models are parents.

Modeling the example. Which type of child are you raising?

Raising a confident/empowered child:

  • Focus on fun and the process of learning
  • Support an empowering player/coach dynamic by encouraging players to talk to their coaches.
  • Focus on the big picture
  • Let the coach do the coaching – being a parent is hard enough
  • Teach kids to focus on what they control – their own “thoughts and actions”

Raising a victim

  •  Yelling and blaming refs, coaches, administrators, the system
  • Critiquing coaches and/or intervening for your child regarding playing time, positions, tactics, practices plans, games
  • Critiquing kids – yours and others
  • Yelling instructions at your child and others
  • Being overly concerned with winning. Having winning be the measure of success
  • “Hovering” over practices

Phases of Parenting an Athlete:


  • Encourage commitment
  • Proper nutrition
  • Punctual
  • Abdicate during practice

Before Game:

  • Be calm by example
  • Don’t play the role of the coach giving playing or tactical advice
  • Keep it light (Jokes, laughter)
  • Avoid giving a pre-game scouting report
  • Good meal and hydration
  • Good rest
  • Have fun
  • “I love you” or “I love watching you play” are strongly encouraged!

During the game:

  • Detach from results
  • Keep a low profile
  • Cheer for both teams
  • Set an example of sportsmanship with refs and other parents
  • Avoid being over-protecting
  • Avoid being a win-focused parent

After the game:

  • Again, detach from results
  • Praise effort
  • Be supportive
  • Avoid creating a “fearful ride home” by analyzing the game, players, coaching, refs, or result. Don’t initiate a post-game talk. Players will initiate if they are interested.
  • Good sportsmanship
  • Good food and hydration
  • “I love you” or “I loved watching you play”

Reference: T.C. North, PhD (303) 665-8920 (Specializes in confidence and mental toughness coaching for athletes and their parents, high-performance coaching for motivated individuals)

Parent Expectations

Parents are an important part of the success of our program. You are a key component because of your cheering, your efforts in transportation, fundraising, contributions, organization, and volunteering. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

On Game Day –

Game day is a chance for you to watch the hard work these players have been putting in at practice. Please enjoy this time!

The following are Game Day expectations for parents.

  • Help provide rides for games when we do not have a bus
    • Please be prepared to provide transportation for players in the event our bus does not show up or cancels. This has happened multiple times in the past already.
  • Encourage your daughter to be responsible.
    • It is the players’ responsibility to be prepared for a game. This includes hydration and fuel. There is no need for you to bring drinks or food to the field. Players need to stay engaged in the game at all times and do not need the distraction of a parent coming over.
  • Refrain from coaching from the stands / yelling at the referees, opponents, or coaches.
    • Please read the Coaches’ Commitment, Promises, and Decisions section below for more on this.
  • Our players will be prepared to perform at their best, and we want you to enjoy the game. Let the coaching staff handle the in-game decisions and stress.
  • Referees are also there trying to do their best. Even with this, they will make mistakes multiple times throughout the game. If there is a call that needs to be argued, the coach will be the one to argue and/or present a report with the Official’s authorities.
  • Colorado has a referee shortage, and this is largely due to the verbal abuse they are receiving from coaches/players/fans.

Consequences –

The following consequences will be handed out if you break any of the team/school/CHSAA rules and expectations as a fan at our events.

  • If a referee/parent/fan/school admin goes to a coach and tells them to talk to you about your comments during the game, or you cause any of the coaching staff to be ejected or reprimanded in the game because of your behavior, you will be asked to leave for the remainder of the game.
  • If you are ejected from the game as a fan, you will serve the same amount of suspension time as a player, 20% of the season (15 games = 3 games / 10 games = 2).
  • If you have multiple incidents in the same season, a meeting will be set up between Mr. Bishop, you, and Coach Real to discuss your ability to attend your daughter’s games for the remainder of the season and future seasons.

Coaches’ Commitment, Promises, and Decisions

The coaching staff at BHSWS is committed to giving the players the best experience they can, upholding the Program Values, and looking out for the safety, growth, and development of every player. With that in mind, the players’ placement and playing time on a team is based on the abilities of the athlete on the soccer field (talent) as well as the attitude, effort, and commitment they display at practices, tryouts, games, and at every BHSWS event. We look to place the athlete on a team that will challenge them, but at the same time, give them a chance to succeed. It is up to the player to earn playing time by being at practice, on time, ready to perform to the best of their abilities, and having a growth mindset.

We promise to:

  • Treat the players individually with respect and fairness.
  • Provide a safe environment for them to thrive in.
  • Listen to their concerns/questions and resolve/answer them in a professional and unbiased manner.
  • Challenge them, develop them, provide positive support, and do what we can to focus on sportsmanship, opportunity, fun, and instruction.
  • Remember that we are youth sports coaches and the game is for the players, not for us or the parents.
  • Behave as role models on and off the field. Be HEROAs ourselves.


Soccer is a fluid, subjective, and controversial sport in itself. It is the nature of the game. As such, the Coaches’ decisions and actions before and during a game in terms of formation, who plays where and for how long, and the tactics employed might differ from what parents and fans might think is best in their minds.

We get it, but those are decisions that are our prerogative to make. We’ve gone through licensing, accreditations, and coaching courses. We rely on our own playing/coaching experience and spend countless hours observing and analyzing games and practices. But most importantly, we know the abilities, strengths, weaknesses, roles, and responsibilities of the players. These are what shape the game model and playing philosophy of each team.

Do we get it right every time? No, not even close.

Do we make adjustments and try to improve each player and as a result the team’s performance? You bet we do.

In the end, we all want to compete as best as we can, extracting everything we can from our players and trying to put them in the best situations to succeed.

So, we ask you to please refrain from coaching from the sideline, in the car, at the dinner table, or whenever you get the urge to do it. Refrain also from blaming, pointing fingers, and baseless criticism. It is counter-productive to what we want to achieve.

But if you still want to coach, we invite you to join the BHSWS coaching staff. We are always looking for talented, caring coaches. Please talk to Coach Real to begin the journey to becoming a licensed and accredited coach!



Most common unexcused reasons for missing practice:

  • Dentist appointments (Best to schedule these in the summer or winter)
  • My sister/brother is in town from college and my parents want to have an early family dinner (All the players and coaches make sacrifices and miss family time to be a part of the BHS soccer program).
  • I have to work. (Not during soccer practice)
  • My old coach let me just show up for games. (Clearly, they had low expectations)
  • Academics are very important in our family, my daughter needs to study today. (Academics are very important to the coaches too. Please study before or after practice. If you need assistance finding a tutor, feel free to contact Coach Real for a recommendation.)
  • But it was a holiday. (No holidays for the players or coaches unless stated otherwise until after the season.)

Examples of consequences of missing practices, team meetings, events, and games:

  • Since we are a team, and everyone is accountable, we will not be afraid of using “Old School” Methods – The whole team does extra running and conditioning for example.
  • Suspension from game participation
  • Movement to a lower-level team
  • Suspension from the program

All student-athletes are responsible for knowing the practice and game schedule. There are last-minute game changes during the season. These will be posted or a message will be sent. “I DIDN’T KNOW” is not an acceptable excuse. We’ll use TeamSnap to update on changes so please, have your most current contact information on it.

Players must bring soccer shoes, running shoes, appropriate training attire, and shin guards to all practices. BHS soccer training attire is required for practice when distributed to the players.

As with all high school student-athletes, BHS soccer players will need to manage their time appropriately. We will train on certain holidays (for example: Martin Luther King’s day). Players who miss practice during those holidays may face disciplinary action (see above).

The coaches reserve the right to make changes to the practice schedule during the season — including such as adding practice before school in the morning or night practices.

Communication with coaches

The soccer coaches enthusiastically support the philosophy of positive relationship building. Healthy and appropriate communication with coaches is key to a successful and positive experience for each student-athlete. Rarely does a student-athlete suddenly begin to communicate with the coaches (or other adults) in their senior year. In our age of text messages and emails, verbal communication has become a real problem for our student-athletes on and off the field. This can affect team chemistry, quality of play, and the ability to communicate intelligently and clearly with teammates and coaches. Let’s work together to help the student-athletes in the BHSWS program to be confident and empowered communicators.

All the BHS coaches encourage the student-athletes to communicate directly with the coaches regarding the schedule and soccer-related issues. Learning to effectively communicate directly with their coaches is one of the more important “life lessons” a student-athlete can learn from participation in high school sports. As a high school student, your daughter should be confident and capable of communicating with their coaches. It might be easy for the parent to simply email the coach about a scheduling issue but in reality, they are doing a disservice to their daughter. Again, please empower her to speak with the coaches.

There are important times parents are encouraged to talk to coaches directly. For example regarding academic, health, safety, and social concerns that players may hide from the coaches. Parents are also encouraged to discuss with the coaches how they can support the soccer program and athletics at BHS. Parents often have questions about what they can do to help support their daughter’s interest in playing soccer in college.

Parents should encourage their daughters to speak directly to the coaches in regard to soccer-specific issues such as playing time, tryout results, positioning, roles on the team, development, tactics, practices, and games. Coach Real is available to meet with any player in the program regarding their aspirations in the soccer program, how they may achieve their goals, and for specific evaluation.

Exams and homework

Student-athletes must schedule their study and homework times around practice and game schedules. Players are not excused from participation to study for exams and do homework unless they are on academic probation. Student-athletes must maintain the required academic standards to participate in high school sports. Learning to schedule study time around practice and game time is an important life skill to learn.

Two-A-Day Practices

Two a-days push the players physically and mentally out of their comfort zones. It is important that the players are well-fed, hydrated, and rested during these training days. Each player must bring soccer shoes, running shoes, shin guards, and a water bottle to every training session. Two-a-day practices may be added as needed during the season.

Team Events

The coaches may organize “soccer program” events (during-season or out-of-season) for team building, classroom sessions, game watching – live or televised, or community service days. Team event participation during the season is mandatory and treated like practice attendance. The out-of-season events are optional but contribute to the success of the program and the quality of experience for all soccer players in the program.

Athletic Trainer

BHS provides a certified trainer. All injured players must be seen by the BHS-certified trainer or bring a note from a doctor to be “excused” from training. Injured players are expected to attend practices and games and act as assistants to the coaches and program as needed.

Team Gear Packages:

Each player will be required to purchase a BHS Team Gear Package (i.e. training shirts, game socks, etc.). An order form will be handed out during the first week.

The BHS Women’s Soccer Program needs the active support and participation of its parents and families to achieve its goals. Contact Coach Carlos Real after team selections to offer your help. Your support is appreciated.

Where can you help?

  • Game Photographers:
    Shoot in-game action pictures of the team and players for postseason awards night.
  • Panther Club Representative.
  • Team Parent/Parents for Each Team.
    Organize communication with other parents, ‘game day’ snacks for players, assist with the postseason awards program
  • Volunteers to Organize all Details of Senior Night – Preferably Junior Parents.
  • Game Management Crew Every Home Game.
    (1 crew for Varsity and 1 crew for JV) Assist with the setup and breakdown of goals, corner flags, and team benches.
  • PA Announcer for Varsity Games.
  • End of the Season Awards Night.
    We need a few parents to help organize the preseason dinner for all BHS soccer players, coaches, and families.
  • Social Media Manager We need someone to upload pictures, and copy and paste game summaries provided by coaches, player stories, newspaper articles, videos, and such.

Thank you.

Coach Carlos Real
BHS Head Coach, Women’s Soccer
Phone: (303) 999-5825