Is your daughter learning to be confident and empowered?

Sport provides your child with many opportunities for life lessons such as learning how to compete, commitment, physical and mental stamina, communication skills, self-esteem and teamwork. Perhaps the most important lesson sports offer our children, according to Sports Psychologist, T.C. North Phd, is whether or not your child is learning to be confident and empowered or one of life’s victims?

After all, how kids learn to participate in sports is how they play the game of life. Kids are taught how to participate in sports and life by their role models. The most influential role models are parents.

Modeling the example. Which type of child are you raising?

Raising a confident/empowered child:

  • Focus on fun and the process of learning
  • Support an empowering player/coach dynamic by encouraging players to talk to their coaches.
  • Focus on the big picture
  • Let the coach do the coaching – being a parent is hard enough
  • Teach kids to focus on what they control – their own “thoughts and actions”

Raising a victim

  •  Yelling and blaming refs, coaches, administrators, the system
  • Critiquing coaches and/or intervening for your child regarding playing time, positions, tactics, practices plans, games
  • Critiquing kids – yours and others
  • Yelling instructions at your child and other’s
  • Being overly concerned with winning. Having winning be the measure of success
  • “Hovering” over practices

Phases of Parenting an Athlete:


  • Encourage commitment
  • Proper nutrition
  • Punctual
  • Abdicate during practice

Before Game:

  • Be calm by example
  • Don’t play the role of the coach with playing advice
  • Keep it light (Jokes, laughter)
  • Avoid giving a pre-game scouting report
  • Good meal and hydration
  • Good rest
  • Have fun
  • “I love you”

During the game:

  • Detach from results
  • Keep a low profile
  • Cheer for both teams
  • Set an example of sportsmanship with refs and other parents
  • Avoid being over protected
  • Avoid being win focused

After the game:

  • Detach from results
  • Supportive
  • Avoid creating a “fearful ride home” by analysis the game, players, coaching, refs, or result. Don’t initiate a post-game talk. Players will initiate if they are interested.
  • Good sportsmanship
  • Good food and hydration
  • “I love you”

Reference: T.C. North, Phd (303) 665-8920 (Specializes in confidence and mental toughness coaching for athletes and their parents, high-performance coaching for motivated individuals)



Most common unexcused reasons for missing practice:

  • Dentist appointments (Best to schedule these in the summer or winter)
  • My sister/brother is in town from college and my parents want to have an early family dinner (All the players and coaches make sacrifices and miss family time to be a part of the BHS soccer program).
  • I have to work. (Not during soccer practice)
  • My old coach let me just show up for games. (Clearly they had low expectations)
  • Academics are very important in our family, my daughter needs to study today. (Academics are very important to the coaches too. Please study before or after practice. If you need assistance finding a tutor, feel free to contact the Coach Real for a recommendation.)
  • But it was a holiday. (No holidays for the players or coaches unless stated otherwise until after the season.)

Examples of consequences of missing practices, team meetings , events and games:

  • Since we are a team, and everyone is accountable, we will not be afraid of using “Old School” Methods – The whole team does extra running and conditioning for example.
  • Suspension from game participation
  • Movement to a lower level team
  • Suspension from the program

All student-athletes are responsible for knowing the practice and game schedule. There are last minute game changes during the season. These are posted  “I DIDN’T KNOW” is not an acceptable excuse. We will keep up-to-date.

Players must bring soccer shoes, running shoes, appropriate training attire and shin guards to all practices. BHS soccer training attire is required for practice when distributed to the players.

As with all high school student-athletes, BHS soccer players will need to manage their time appropriately. We will train on certain holidays including Martin Luther King’s day. Players who miss practice during holidays may face disciplinary action (see above).

The coaches reserve the right to make changes to the practice schedule during the season — including such as adding practice before school in the morning or night practices.

Communication with coaches

The soccer coaches enthusiastically supports the philosophy of positive relationship building. Healthy and appropriate communication with coaches is key to a successful and positive experience for each student-athlete. Rarely does a student-athlete suddenly begin to communicate with the coaches (or other adults) in their senior year. In our age of text messages and emails, verbal communication has become a real problem for our student-athletes on and off the field. This can effect team chemistry, quality of play and the ability to communicate intelligently and clearly with teammates and coaches. Let’s work together to help the student-athletes in the BHS soccer program to be confident and empowered communicators.

All the BHS coaches encourage the student-athletes to communicate directly with the coaches regarding schedule and soccer related issues. Learning to effectively communicate directly with their coaches is one of the more important “life lesson” a student-athlete can learn from participation in high school sports. As a high school student your daughter should be confident and capable of communicating with their coaches. It might be easy for the parent to simply email the coach about a schedule issue but in reality they are doing a disservice to their daughter. Again, please empower her to speak with the coaches.

There are important times parents are encourage to talk to coaches directly. For example regarding academic, health, safety and social concerns that players may hide from the coaches. Parents are also encouraged to discuss with the coaches how they can support the soccer program and athletics at BHS. Parents often have questions about what they can do to help support their sons interest in playing soccer in college.

Parents should encourage their daughters to speak directly to the coaches in regards to soccer specific issues such as playing time, tryout results, pre-tryout evaluations, positioning, roles on the team, development, tactics, practices and games. Coach Real is available to meet with any player in the program regarding their aspirations in the soccer program, how they may achieve their goals and for specific evaluation.

Exams and homework

Student-athletes must schedule their study and homework times around practice and game schedules. Players are not excused from participation to study for exams and do homework unless they are on academic probation. Student-athletes must maintain the required academic standards to participate in high school sports. Learning to schedule study time around practice and game time is an important life skill to learn.

Two A Day Practices

Two a days push the players physically and mentally out of their comfort zones. It is important that the players are well fed, hydrated and rested during these training days. Each players must bring soccer shoes, running shoes, shin guards, and a water bottle to every training session. Two a day practices may be added as needed during the season.

Team Events

The coaches may organize “soccer program” events (during-season or out-of-season) for team building, classroom sessions, game watching – live or televised, or community service days. Team event participation during the season is mandatory and treated like practice attendance. The out-of-season events are optional but contribute to the success of the program and quality of experience for all soccer players in the program.

Athletic Trainer

BHS provides a certified trainer. All injured players must be seen by the BHS certified trainer or bring a note from a doctor  to be “excused” from training. Injured players are expected to attend practices and games and act as assistants to the coaches and program as needed.

Team Gear Packages:

Each player will be required to purchase a BHS Team Gear Package (i.e. training shirts, game socks, etc.). An order form will be handed out during the first week.

The BHS Women’s Soccer Program needs the active support and participation of it’s parents and families to achieve its goals. Contact Coach Carlos Real after team selections to offer your help. Your support is appreciated.

Where can you help?

  • Game Photographers:
    Shoot in game action pictures of team and players for postseason awards night.
  • Panther Club Representative.
  • Team Parent/Parents for Each Team.
    Organize communication with other parents, ‘game day’ snacks for players, assist with postseason awards program
  • Volunteers to Organize all Details of Senior Night – Preferably Junior Parents.
  • Game Management Crew Every Home Game.
    (1 crew for Varsity and 1 crew for JV) Assist with the setup and breakdown of goals, corner flags, team benches.
  • PA Announcer for Varsity Games.
  • End of the Season Awards Night.
    We need a few parents to help organize the preseason dinner for all BHS soccer players, coaches and families.
  • Social Media Manager We need someone to upload pictures, copy and paste game summaries provided by coaches, player stories, newspaper articles, videos and such.

Thank you.

Coach Carlos Real
BHS Head Coach, Women Soccer
Phone: (303) 999-5825